The Dangers Of Goats and Innocence
by Demonic-Otaku
Summary: When a 5 year old Sess brings home a goat and his father helps him clean it, a simple bath time turns into an epic battle of Inutaisho V.S The evil Goat. And where does Sessh's mother come into this story of crack and misinterpretation? Lets Find out!


**Warning  
The following story includes cuteness, cursing, epic battles, misinterpretation, 'N' evil goats.  
And  
may cause laughing, crying, screaming, and a fear of goats.  
~You have been warned~**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. I do own **_**evil**_** though, and I will send him after you least you bring me chocolate!**

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"Father he's so kawaii! can I brush him pleeeeeese?"

Inutaisho laughed as a little five year old Sesshoumaru jumped up and down next to him.

"No Sess, not this time" he told his jumping son.

"Awww whyyy?" little Sesshoumaru wined.

"Because I have to teach you the proper way to do it."

"Awww"

What they were talking about was a balck, fuzzy, floppy eared goat. Sesshoumaru had found it earlier, abandoned and covered in dirt and mud, and had brought it home and begged his dad to let him keep it. He had said no at first, but then Sess had given him that look. The one where he looks like his whole world was crushed, he hated that look so much. But no was no, and he ment it. Then Sess sniffed and his eyes begain to water. And now here he was, showing his son how to properly clean and brush his new pet in the back of an old stable.

Inutaisho looked the goat over. It was filthy. Compleatly filthy. He actually was glad Sesshoumaru found it, the poor thing. Then again, it did have this oblivious blank stare. Like it was looking into your soul and judging you. Quite honestly, it kinda creaped him out. But Sesshoumaru liked him and that was good enough for him.

"What do we do first father?" Sesshoumaru asked.

Inutaisho looked at his son, by kami he's still jumping. He just had to chuckle at that.

"Ok Sess, firsts things first, we need to FUUUUCK!"

The goat had decided at that moment, that Inutaisho's hand look rather yummy and biteable.

Sesshoumaru stopped jumping and just stared as his father rubbed his hand, muttering words he could not understand. Speaking of which.

"Father, what does fuck, mean?"

Inutaisho froze._ Shit._

"Um..heh, w-what?"

"Fuck, what does fuck mean? father?"

"Um, well you see..." _Come on come on think Toga think_ "I-It means clean, yea that it! It means to clean!"

Sesshoumaru's face brightend up.

"Oooh! OK!" he beamed.

Inutaisho let out a sigh of relief. That was a close one, but should he really of told Sess that? Nah, it'll be fine, he's only five, what harm will come from it? Eyes turning back to the goat, he glared at it. The goat however, remained impassave, and stared right back. _Creapy fucking goat._

"Father? Why are you glareing at the goat?"

"Eh...uh...no reason"

"OK!"

Inutaisho sighed again.

"So like I said, we need to clean him, so Sess will will please hand me AAAAH MY DIIIIICK"

Once again, the goat found something it found rather biteable. Much to the Daiyokai's dismay...and pain.

Inutaisho was about readdy to kill that damned goat. Kill it in the worst way possable! But he couldn't kill it because it would upset Sess. Wait, Sess...Inutaisho slowly looked over at his son, who was just staring at him, head coocked, with that look. The look he usually had when ha was about to ask a ques-

"Father whats a dick?"

_Double shit._ _Think fast think fast!_

"I-It's a brush! Yea thats it, a brush!" _Damn Im good._

"Ooooh OK!" Sesshoumaru beamed at him.

Inutaisho sighed again. Thats is, no more cursing around Sess. Can't risk another close call. He silently begain glareing daggers at the goat again. _Die._

"Father I got the...your glareing at it again..."

Inutaisho took the brush from Sesshoumaru and begain brushing the _evil _goat. At first, the goat was coprative and rather injoyed it. But the goat being it's _evil _self of corse, decided it no longer wished to be brushed and procedded to not keep still, and kept moving around and trying to dodge the brush. And was actually succeeding. Inutaisho was getting rather annoyed with it, and decided to put it into a head lock with one arm, then brush it with the other. The goat however, found this to be unacceptable, and preceded to rear up and bite him on the arm.

"GAAAH! Keep still you little!" Inutaisho yelled.

"Father, why don't we ask mother to help?" Sesshoumaru asked from the side lines of the epic battle.

"No Sess, mother won't be much help."

"How so father?"

"Your mother was never good at this sort of thing. She never put in any effort, and always sat there and made me do all the work. And what ever effort she did put in was sloppy at best."

Sesshoumaru's eyes widdend.

"Really?"

"Yup WAAH!"

The goat, now secretly named _evil,_ decided he did not like the shape of the creese in Inutaisho's pants leg. And promptly headbutted him in in the left leg. Causing poor Inutaisho to fall over the goat and face plant the ground.

"Stupid goat"

Inutaisho heard what sounded like paper rustling and looked up in time to see Sesshoumaru flip over a paper on a score chart.

Goat-4. Inutaisho the Daiyokai-0.

"Sesshoumaru!"

Sesshoumaru giggled.

"Yes father?" he asked innocently.

Inutaisho's eye twiched, he then got up and jumped at _Evil_, brush in hand. _Evil_ knew of the vengeance he wanted, and waited, waited untill Inutaisho was just inched away, then dove between the Daiyokai's legs, reared up his own back legs, and kicked Inutaisho in the ass, sending him flying into a wall.

Inutaisho face planted the wall, then slid down and landed upside down on his head. Shock clearly eched on his face.

Sesshoumaru giggled again and turned over a peice of paper.

Goat-5. Inutaisho the Daiyokai-0.

That does it, he was not about to be out done by a goat! Victory would be his! With that Inutaisho then jumped up and lunged at _Evil_, tackling the poor goat to the ground.

Sesshoumaru just giggled as he watched his father wressle with the goat. It was quite a funny sight.

"Inutaisho?"

Sesshoumaru heard his mothers voice coming from the front of the stable. He looked over at his father, who was too busy wressling with the goat to hear her.

"Are you in here?"

Sesshoumaru jumped up and ran up to the front to greet his mother.

"Oh hello Sess sweety" she said to him.

"Hi mother!" he beamed back.

She smiled at him, always so happy.

"Do you know where your father is?"

"Yea! Father's in the back fucking the goat!"

_~Silence~_

"What do you mean...he's _fucking_ the goat?"

"Well, the goat was dirty and he wanted to fuck it."

"Wha..."

"He told me I couldn't fuck it this time though, I had to watch him so I could to learn how to do it properly"

"..."

"He did let me get his dick out for him though scence he was busy keeping the goat from squirming"

"What!"

"Yea, but even with him holding him he still managed to squirm away, so I asked him if I should get you to help"

"Eh?..."

"But he said no because you really sucked at fucking."

_~Silence~_

"Excuse me?"

"Yea, he said that you were never really good at that sort of thing and that you just sat there while he did all the work. And if you did do anything it was really really sloppy."

"...Oh really?"

"Yup!"

_~Silence~_

"Sesshoumaru, why don't you go play out side, ok?"

"OK!"

Sesshoumaru giggled and ran outside. Spotting a few butterflys he dropped down and slowly begain to creep up on them. But a loud crash followed yelling comming from the stable made him stop.

"AHHHH STOP!"

"SO IM SLOPPY EH!"

"NO NO STOP AHHHHH!"

"I'LL SHOW YOU SLOPPY!"

"AHHHHH! STOOOOOP! AAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!"

Sesshoumaru stared at the stable as more loud crashes and screaming echoed inside. A movement at the door caught his eyes, and he watched as the goat ran out of the stable door and up to him. Sesshoumaru saw that he was covered in even more dirt then when he found him, and his fur was all messed up now. They stared at each other for a while, then Sesshoumaru pat him on the head.

"Wow, father was right...mother really does suck at fucking"

"Baa"

END

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**Aaaaaaand end story!**

**Sesshoumaru: Why do you torment people so?**

**Because its fun! Now bow to me and **_**evil**_**!**

_**Evil**_**: Baa...**

**Sesshoumaru: -eyes goat weirly-**

**Aha! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH! -random whosh**

**Please Review! : D**


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